“It takes little to make life happy; it’s all inside you, in your way of thinking. ” – Marcus Aurelius
External circumstances can certainly make our life complicated. But an extremely important – often decisive – role in the constant attempt to be happy is played by our thinking, our behavior, and our habits.
If on external circumstances we often do not have the power to influence because, outside our sphere of influence, our attitude and habits are instead elements on which we have the possibility of exercising total control.
Here are some examples of some of the most destructive daily habits that unhappy people create themselves and that contribute to undermining their happiness decisively.
Table of Contents
1. They fear the judgment of others.
Many people have a constant preoccupation with the opinions and judgments of others to the point that, while not lending their support to criticism or negative comments, they actually choose not to expose themselves, remain behind the scenes and end up living an extremely limited existence.
But why preclude interesting experiences and stimulating news just because someone else could comment on you?
How to overcome this habit :
– Be aware of the fact that others worry about what you say and what you do much less than you think. Relax, because there is no spotlight on you.
– Change perspective: instead of constantly thinking about yourself and how others perceive you, focus your attention on others and their needs. Listen to them, help them. This will help you increase your self-esteem and limit your egocentric view.
2. Life is too complicated.
Life is often already too complicated by itself. But just as often we are making it even more complicated than it actually is, and this attitude of ours contributes decisively to raising our levels of stress and dissatisfaction.
It’s true that the world is increasingly complex, but that does not mean you can not start creating new habits that make your life a little easier today.
How to overcome this habit :
– Instead of dedicating yourself to a thousand and more activities in a frenzy and confusion at the same time, try to set 2-3 priorities each day to focus on.
– You have too many things that contribute to creating chaos and confusion. Start to make a habit of asking yourself regularly: “Did I use this thing in the last year?”. If the answer is no, throw it or give it away without thinking too much!
– Communicate: do not expect others to be able to read in your mind and always anticipate your expectations. Express what you hear, ask questions when you do not understand and do not give anything to imply or for granted. This will help you minimize unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.
– Disconnected: do not be obsessed with the need to be constantly connected to the internet, send another text message or answer the phone while talking to a person.
– When you feel overwhelmed by circumstances, in the grip of stress and confusion, simply stop. Sit comfortably and concentrate on your breath for a few minutes without doing anything and without thinking about anything.
3. Associate happiness to perfection.
Is it necessary that your life is perfect so that you can feel happy? If you believe that perfection is the indispensable premise of happiness, then in all probability you are destined to be disappointed by the truth of the facts.
Happiness can not be found in perfection, but rather in the ability to know how to manage the world of imperfections and defects that distinguishes you and the world around you.
How to overcome this habit :
– “Good” is fine: aiming for perfection usually means to get angry on an idea or an initiative and never bring it to an end. What is good is often what you need, without having to come to perfection. This does not mean acting lazily or not taking care of the details, but recognizing the value of what is already well done even if it is not yet perfect.
– Whenever you dedicate yourself to a project or initiative, set a deadline to complete it. Arrived at the deadline, consider the work as completed: this will help you get rid of the idea that the project still requires some unnecessary finishing.
– Be aware of the fact that the myth of perfection costs you so much in terms of physical and mental energy. Do your best to do things well and then relax, without obsessing yourself. You will earn it in serenity and in quality of life and relationships.
4. They live in a sea of negative voices.
Nobody is an island. Those with whom we socialize, what we read, watch and listen to has a significant effect on our thinking and our state of mind.
It becomes much more difficult to be happy if you let yourself be dragged down by the negative voices of those around us. Many voices who know how to look at existence only from a negative perspective constantly tell us that life is full of difficulties, dangers, limits, and fears.
How to overcome this habit :
The most powerful tool you have is to replace negative and pessimistic voices with positive thoughts and influences: this simple approach can open up a new world.
Try to spend more time with positive and solar people, listen to music and read books that inspire you, make you smile and think about life in a new way.
5. They remain stuck in the past and worry about the future.
Spending much of your time with your mind in the past and reliving old painful memories, conflicts and opportunities can really hurt.
Spending much of your time with your mind in the future, worrying about the worst scenarios that could happen to you in health, in love, and at work, can do even more harm.
Not stopping to fully grasp and savor the here and now can make you give up a myriad of wonderful experiences.
How to overcome this habit :
It is practically impossible not to think about the past or the future. And it is obviously important to know how to plan the future and try to learn from the past.
But pausing for too long on tomorrow or yesterday is rarely too much help. Try then, whenever you can simply live in the present moment. Focus on what you are doing, whatever you are doing, even the most trivial. If you are sweeping the floor, dedicated exclusively to this, without thinking about anything else. If you’re talking to someone, give them your full attention, without distractions. And so on…
6. Compare their lives with that of others.
A daily habit that is very widespread and at the same time extremely destructive is that of continuously comparing one’s life with that of other people. Compare cars, homes, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And in doing so you end up annihilating your self-esteem and generating a significant amount of negative feelings.
How to overcome this habit :
Try to replace this destructive habit with two other different habits.
– Compare yourself with yourself. For once, leave the others alone and concentrate only on yourself. Evaluate how much you have grown, what you have achieved, what progress you have made towards achieving your goals. This habit has the advantage of generating gratitude, appreciation, and kindness towards yourself because it gives you the opportunity to observe from where you came, the obstacles you managed to overcome and all that you were able to accomplish.
– Be gentle. The way you think and behave towards others has a considerable role in how you think and how you behave towards yourself. The more you judge and criticize others, the more you will tend to judge and criticize yourself. The more you will be kind and available to others, the more you will be with yourself. Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. Appreciate what is positive about yourself and others.
7. Focus on the negative aspects of your life.
Focusing constantly and almost exclusively on the negative aspects of any situation is the main way to lead you to unhappiness. And to bring down the good mood of those around you.
It’s not a very attractive scenario, is it?
How to overcome this habit :
– Overcoming this habit can be anything but smooth. A very often effective approach is to get rid of the flaw of perfectionism: accept that things and situations have their positive and negative aspects rather than thinking that all the details must necessarily be in order impeccably. In this way, you can more easily succeed in letting you both emotionally and mentally slip away from the negative, instead of dwelling on it and amplifying its scope.
– Another winning solution is simply to concentrate your efforts and your energies on being constructive, rather than letting yourself be overcome by the habit of complaining about every negative detail. You can do this by asking yourself propositional questions, such as: “How can I turn this negative thing into something useful or positive?” Or “How can I solve this problem?”
