Perhaps the most profound realization that we can achieve as humans in order to navigate successfully in this life is actually quite simple: we do not have all the answers.
And it’s okay. Life is beautiful. It’s also difficult.
The inherent double nature of this experience only leads us to one promise: we will be hurt along the way. After being hurt, we must heal. The journey is arduous, full of changes and discomfort, but as in all things in life, the process is the most beautiful part.
These are the five steps that you can not skip if you hope to heal.
1. Recognize that you are hurt.
The vulnerability is scary. The world can be a cruel place for those of us who have not developed the ability to protect ourselves from assaults. The idea of disarming our hearts and minds seems counter-intuitive. We live in societies that would rather prefer to suffer in silence with balanced faces than to be honest with our expressions and transparent with our realities.
We are taught to believe that force is a coolness even when we break, nonchalantly rejecting our weaknesses and eliminating the space where we are to be what is ultimately sensitive to the human. In our moments of pain, we would prefer to say that we are doing well.
To heal, we must break these walls that imprison our hearts and minds and reopen space for us to be vulnerable. Without recognizing not only that we are hurt, but also that it is acceptable to be hurt, we will never make the first steps in our journey towards healing.
Forgive yourself first. Forgive yourself for everything you have learned, you should not be angry with yourself – do not be “strong enough” or “brave enough” to hide the pain, feel that you have to rely on others for you to rise in these dark moments, without knowing how you will go through what comes next.
All of these feelings are natural reactions to trauma. Feelings of weakness, despair, sadness, and loneliness are all signs that what you have experienced is real and deserves your full attention. No human being is immune to these emotions, regardless of the strength of his wall or the quality of his poker face.
Forgive yourself for feeling these emotions because you have no reason to be angry with yourself in the first place. You are divinely beautiful in all your human frailty and you should embrace these moments as part of your recognition of an experience you deserve to have validated.
Then forgive everything that hurt you.
We can never move forward as long as we retain what holds us back. We can not wear our pain and trauma as trophies, and we can not allow the energy that these traumas bring to our lives to last.
As difficult as it may be, we must remember that even in these darkest experiences we can find strength and purpose and that we must draw those lessons with us when we seek to rebuild our world and ourselves in the way the healthiest. Agree with the idea that we may have to forgive something or someone who does not seek our forgiveness – our forgiveness is ultimately a way to degrade their intent and allow us to rebuild ourselves better than we were.
3. To love and to be loved.
The most powerful force in the universe is love. It is as destructive as it is constructive, as frightening as it is beautiful, as overwhelming as it is serene, and this brings an unmatched balance to our existence.
When you are hurt, you must learn to love yourself. To love oneself is a difficult process. However, the fundamental steps you must take to create your self-esteem process are universal: reshape your habits, take care of your body and your sanity, and isolate yourself from any negative energy that discourages you from existing in perfect harmony in a completely loving state of mind.
Create habits that resemble everything you love, that allow you to continually enter a trance of happiness high to the point that your life revolves around more activities and behaviors centered on what you love than anything else.
Love your body and mind by treating them well – by eating, exercising, sleeping, meditating, purifying and detoxifying. Read the books you love, lead conversations that stimulate you, find the moments that suit you best. Your body and your spirit will love you in return. There are millions of cells and microscopic organisms on and in your body whose sole purpose is to love you and help you stay together. Concentrate on them and they will repay you ten times more.
Do not allow any energy harmful to your peace, whatever the form in which it manifests itself. Sometimes it means releasing old friendships or getting away from people or places. It is good. You must be kind to yourself and realize that it is in your best interest to equip yourself with the energy you need to stay alive. Know that, in doing so, you need no explanation or excuse. You practice how to love yourself, fully and without reserve, without any abandonment.
Allow others to love you. Allow them to cover you with love – with kind words and deeds, hugs and displays of affection. Receive this love unilaterally. Do not reciprocate to the point where you feel obliged to repay. Instead, reproduce the love you receive when you are inclined to do so and when it is natural for your heart. You deserve to be loved most fiercely in your weakest moments, and you should not be ashamed to let that love enter your life.
4. Have faith.
Trust that this storm will pass and that the universe will guide you through this process. Convince yourself that in the end, you will be stronger, happier and more complete. Moments are fleeting and emotions are transient. So, during your trip, you will be out of your dark space. Trust that you will heal.
We also encourage you to look deep into your heart and explore your relationship with the universe, with your existence here on this plane, no matter what it may seem. Challenge yourself about your perspectives on God and our purpose here, and try to find the link to our source. You may be surprised at what you find.
Recommended: How to Improve Your Well-Being through Spirituality.
5. Be alone.
Perhaps the most difficult part of healing is to realize that ultimately you alone must walk the path. Although we need support and love throughout the healing process, we need to be our own guides along the way, deciding where to turn and how quickly to go.
People can always tell you what their healing version is, but only you can really decide for yourself. Your trauma and your experiences are unique to you and no one can really understand the depth to which they affect you. As a result, you must be the only one to determine how you navigate.
Beyond your own self, you must give yourself the time and space to be alone without the interference of others, regardless of the quality of their intentions. When you allow others to enter your healing space, you inadvertently realize it and all that is attached to it – their thoughts, emotions, desires, and needs.
Remember that by healing, you must give yourself priority above all else, without guilt or burden. You are not selfish. You need to heal and you deserve it.